Telling our baby girl…

As soon as I came home from the hospital we had to tell our daughter the devastating news…she knew I was at the doctor and then the hospital.  I wasn’t home, so something wasn’t right since I had been in bed for 2 months now. I held my girl and told her the reason I was in the hospital was because something happened, the baby wasn’t big enough and it didn’t survive, so mommy doesn’t have a baby in her belly anymore.  The hysterical crying and tears that came out of my daughter is something I NEVER want to hear again.  Even though we told her the baby was in heaven, she wanted the baby now.  She wanted it to be March now, to got to heaven and bring the baby back, to play with the baby.  Why did this happen?  Was it because she tapped my belly once?  Was it her fault?  These are all question she was asking, but most of all she wanted to do anything she could to bring that baby back.  She cried herself to sleep that night and begged for that baby to be here, to be in the belly….but that isn’t going to happen…I broke my daughter…I let her down.  I exposed her to something that no child should feel…why all this pain?

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